It’s Organic

“I picked blackberries from right next to the shed.” I smiled. I was happy to bring in a little sweet treat from outside.

“Right out there?” Jess pointed out the window. “I didn’t know we had berries out there!” Jess took a few berries from the tiny plate on the counter. She popped a few in her mouth and smiled.
“Are those the same ones I peed on earlier? Right behind the shed? That’s my spot.” Steve smiled from ear to ear.
“That just makes them organic.” I laughed, rolling my eyes.

Zika

“The Zika Virus is coming over. It’s causing little babies to be born with little heads.” Fred says, reading the latest article he found online.

“Well they need to start by blocking the foreigners out. That’s where they need to start.” Steve chuckled.

“It’s not the foreigners; it mosquitoes. the mosquitos are bringing it.” Fred said, with a serious tone.

“Well that just means the foreigners are bringing the mosquitos with them.”

“All the babies are being born with major deformities. They’ve got tiny little heads. They’ll never be able to get a job.” Fred shook his head.

Fred on Isis

 

“I think they are too religious ” Fred said, reading about the latest terrorist attack. ” They need to get a job. They just have too much time on their hands. If they could put that much effort into Isis, they could be really efficient workers!”

What is She Really Worth?

“We have been fixing up the house lately,” Fred smiled; filling us in on his weekend. ” Betty’s New thing is roosters. She wants little rooster salt and pepper shakers. I really want to get her this big metal rooster. It’s got big colored feathers. It’s kind of expensive, but she wants it and I’m going to get it for her.” Fred’s smile grew, knowing his wife would be happy with his decision.

“Well how much is it?” Steve asked.

“It’s $80. but she really wants it and it would make her so happy.”

“Is she really worth $80?”

“Damn right, she is!”

“I’ve never met a woman worth $80. Didn’t you just get her a fridge? Just tell her that was her gift. Why would you spend $80 on a rooster?”

“Because it will make her happy. I love seeing Betty happy.”

“Oh, you can’t do that.” Steve said, pointing his finger at Fred. “You can’t treat them nice like that. They get used to it and expect it.”

“Listen, I’m going to pass some wisdom on to you.'” Steve continued. “My dad taught me two things. Never get a woman a vacuum, and never get her dishes. She will hate you forever. So don’t ever get Betty either one. But I also learned that you shouldn’t get a woman tires from the junkyard as a gift either. I did that for my ex-wife. They still had a good amount of tread on them and she really needed them. But she got really mad.”

Steve on Dating

“Let me tell you what I learned last night.” Steve perked up. “Don’t take a woman to McDonalds on a first date. And you’re supposed to pick them up, not meet them there. I guess I’m just out of practice.”

“I’ve got a the perfect place to take her!” Fred held up one finger, ready to help out his buddy, Steve. “Take her to Flix! It’s at the old folks home, but it is open to the public. It’s really good, I think you’ll both really like it.”

“No, I’m not going to do that!” Steve grimaced. “She’s going to think I’m old and in retirement. But she is really starting to lay down the law. She told me she doesn’t want no McDonalds. I might have to put this to an end.”

“Maybe that’s what you need, a woman who lays down the law.”

 

 

 

Constitution, Commandments; What’s The Difference?

It was lunch time again, and you know what that meant. Everyone was checking the internet for headlines.

“Look.” Fred said, as he stared intently at his computer screen. ” It says in Australia, they made everyone hand over their guns.”

Steve looked up. “It’s in the constitution. You can’t change that. The right to bear arms.”

“I guess the shootings have just gotten too bad.”

“God made those rules! You can’t do that. It’s in the constitution. You can’t just change the commandments like that.”

“It says here that Muslim Americans feel very vulnerable.”

“What; they think we’re picking on them?”

“They think Americans are going to hurt them.”

“That’s good,” Steve leaned back. “They should be scared of Americans.” Steve leaned back even further, finally able to relax, knowing the threat had settled.

New Years Planning

“What are we doing for New Years?” Fred asked.

“I don’t know.” Steve responded. “Maybe you could get me a colored girl.”

“Bill says they stink, but I don’t think so. I dated an African American When I was really young. She was great.”

“Some white people stink. Amish people! Amish people don’t shower.”

“But I heard they throw some great barn parties!” Fred responded, trying to stay positive.

“And they make their own hooch.” Steve nodded. “Maybe I’ll find me an Amish woman.”

Taking Over

“Oh my God!” Steve exclaimed. “Look at this- first woman in hockey. Can you believe that? Women are just taking over this country. Next thing you know, they’ll be playing football. Someone has got to stop them. They’re just going to keep going and going.”

Let’s Talk Wages

“When I worked for my parents’ at their restaurant, they paid everyone else more than me because I was a family member.” Jess said.

“Well Women shouldn’t make what a man makes”. Steve interjected.

“They weren’t all men- they were men and women.”

“Hold up,” I said, “Steve, so even in food service, you thing women shouldn’t make what men make?”

“Especially in food service,” Steve shrugged. ” Men deserve more money than women. Girls should get 8% and guys should get 10% of sales. That’s the way it has always been, and that’s how it should always be.”

“So, if I went on maternity leave” I squinted at him, “Would you hire a man and pay him more than me?”

“Well,” Steve glanced at the floor. “If he does a good job, yeah.”

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

A Little Something To Kick Off 2016

Blog Mission Statement

A.K.A Why am I posting stories about my co-workers online?

I keep this public blog in hopes that others find some humor in my days at work. Sometimes all you can do is laugh in uncomfortable, ridiculous situations. Sometimes you feel like you’re the minority and your opinion is ignored.

I used to get really upset by some of the things said by my co workers, but I love my job. I will not let something trivial – like differences in opinion -affect my days. I still want a positive outlook on life. I try to stay as stress free as possible, and finding humor in each day is how i do that.

I have become very close with my co-workers, they are almost like family to me. Family members don’t always get along, but they have to stay together. I care about my co-workers, even if some of their ideas and opinions are bizarre and way behind the times.

Blog Topics

It’s really hard to say. Anything could come out of my work day

The topics on this blog really depends on what comes up at work. I’m thinking about balancing out my posts of my co-workers crazy ramblings, with some posts from just me. Maybe about what and why I have differing opinions than my co-workers.

So far; women’s issues and racism have been two big topics, but I don’t want readers to get the wrong idea and think that what I’m writing is all my opinion. These are mainly ridiculous things I hear at work.

Readers

Love the co-worker, hate the opinion

I want to connect with other people who deal with ridiculous co-workers! Tell me your stress at work- does it come from other people? I want to hear about your experiences in the workplace with those  whose views differ greatly. How do you handle it?  Tell me I’m not the only one who deals with it this way!

Over the next year or so, I’m hoping to create a community of people who can support each other when times get rough at work. And people who can relate and laugh with me at the things I’m dealing with.